The Traumas of Wedding Planning

You're engaged!  How exciting!  Everyone is thrilled . . . and has plenty of thoughts as to where your reception should be held, what colors you should choose, which DJ is best, cake flavors . . . yada, yada, yada.  Isn't this supposed to be YOUR day?

Too many opinions from loved ones can certainly bring on extra stress and cause strain in your relationships, but there are ways to head off, avoid, or work through these differences.  Even if it is with the groom.  Or worse, your mother.  Or even more worse, his mother.

1)  Always listen politely to what they have to say, then say something to the effect of, "Hmm, I'll keep that in mind."  This is not a lie.  If you like the suggestion, you are likely to remember it and potentially use it.  If it is horrendous, you will certainly not be forgetting about it anytime soon!  As a matter of fact, it will probably be something you laugh about for many years after your wedding.

2)  While robotically following item #1, put together your budget and a wish list.  Then, have a discussion with anyone who might be contributing financially as to how much or what elements they wish to pay for.  If one set of parents is planning to pay a large portion but has a very different expectation for your special day, you may want to reconsider the financial arrangements.

3)  Pick your battles.  Stay firm on what is most important to you.  Is there a way to compromise on some of the issues?  Your mother would like for you to wear her wedding dress, but it's not your style.  Can you wear her pearl necklace instead?  Can you incorporate some of the lace from her dress into your veil or garter?

4)  Depending on your relationship with the groom's parents, either the two of you, or him alone, should have a discussion as to how involved they expect or wish to be in the planning process.  Understanding their expectations right up front can prevent surprises and hard feelings along the way.  The mother/son bond is often very special and including her can reassure her that you're not stealing him away.

5)  Bridesmaids are your closest friends and should be very happy for you.  Sometimes, though, a little envy can set in.  Maybe there is one in the group who is not yet married and no prospects in site, despite trying hard (too hard most times!).  Maybe one realizes that the relationship between the two of you is going to be different now that you're about to be someone's wife.  Schedule a little one on one time with the friend and find out what is really upsetting her.  I'm sure deep down she couldn't be happier that you've found a special person with which to spend the rest of your life.

Bottom line, keep a smile on your face because it is definitely your day, and you want to make sure to let the special people in your life know that they are still the special people in your life regardless of the change in your last name.

~Jami